BEST KCPE COMPOSITION EVER!!

I was asleep. The jogoo shouted three times, I opened one eye and left the other to sleep abit. I was
wishing I had slept with my uniforms putted on, but I realised if wishes were chickens beggars would been layin eggs. I woke up with only one eye open n and I was looking where the karai was put I wash my face. I found some cotton which I used to burn the jiko and cook a chai without milk called sturungi. I drank the sturungi haphazardy and hurriendily with a big piece of kiugali which had remained at night. I put on
my uniforms and then I painted myself with fat and because there was no kiwi I had to paint my shoes with fat to. I took a paperbag put books and biros then ran my everything, I beated the first corner hardly then as I was beatin the second corner I heard the school bell cry ncgririr nkngrirriririri nckgrrrirrrrr!!! I knew nimelate. 

When I reached the gate!! You dont want to know!! Mr Mogaka was standin at the gate with a big black nyahunyo. I was so afraid that I almost urinated. I was asked why are you late? I said makaa was poured with water at night teacher asked what has that to do with you coming to school late I told him the jiko was late to burn so it delayed cookin strong tea he said that is no excuse!! Touch your toes!! I started to remove my shoes so I can touch the toes but he told me I just meant bend, he gave me the first nyahunyo on my buttocks,,hehe it was as hot as a boiling water, I dried that one, he gave me the second one pap!! This one was much hotter n started hearing to cry, when the third one was given to me I heard so much pain that I touched my buttocks, the teacher said you have erased that one!! I will have to give you another one!! When I was given the fourth nyahunyo, tears started getting out of my eyes uncontoullably,, the teacher said, You removing tears for who!! I dont want to see even a smell of tear, ran to class and dont late tomorrow. My buttocks as I went to class were hearing as if sitting in a burning jiko.. I dried the tears because my classmate would laugh at me for crying. When I entered class I walked slowly to my desk and when I tried to sit it
was so pain I could not seet. So I seeted on air above my chair holding my desk. From that day I sweya I will never come to school late again even if the makaa was poured on water!!!. 

Examiners comments: This school should be turned into a tourist attraction. This is a classic case of a comedian in the making. I will refer this student to the African Centre for Talented Individuals next to K1. No marks can be awarded as this will negate the whole idea of nurturing county talent.

HAHA! JUST HAD TO SHARE THIS!

A man called his mom from

the USA . Man : Mom, I have AIDS. Mother: Don't come back

home, my son. Man : Why mom ? Mother: If you come back

home, then your wife will

be infected. From your wife

to your brother, from your

brother to our maid, from

our maid to your dad, from your dad to my sister, from

my sister to her husband,

from him to me, from me to

the gardener, from the

gardener to your sister.

And if your sister gets AIDS, then the whole village will

be infected ! So PLEASE SAVE OUR

VILLAGE, DON'T COME BACK

HOME !!!!!

THE STREAM OF LIFE!!

WITH GOD EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!

A young man working in the army was constantly humiliated because he believed in... God. 
One day the captain wanted to humiliate him before the troops. He called the young man and said: - Young man come here, take the key and go and park the Jeep in front. the young man replied: - I can not drive! The captain said: - But then ask for assistance from your God! show us that he exist! 


The young man takes the key and walked to the vehicle begins to pray ...He parks the jeep to the place PERFECTLY well as the captain wanted. The young man came out of the jeep and saw them all crying. They all said together: - We want to serve your God! 


The young soldier was astonished, asked what was going on? CAPTAIN crying opened the hood of the jeep by showing the young man that the car had no engine. Then the boy said: See? This is the God I serve, THE GOD OF IMPOSSIBLE, the God who gives life to what does not exist. 


You may think there are things still impossible WITH GOD EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE ... Do not forget to share this with a friend..

ONA WE WI MUGIKUYU??!!

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new
Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in
a large room. One candidate was Bernard Waiyaki a Kenyan
living in USA .

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking
those who do not know JAVA programming to leave.. 2000
people left the room. Waiyaki said to himself, 'I do not
know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try.
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of
managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people left the
room.. Waiyaki said to himself ' I never managed anybody by
myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen
 to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management
diplomas to leave. 500 people left the room. Waiyaki says to
himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?'
So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak
Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people left the room. Waiyaki
 says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat
but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself
with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the
only two candidates who have all the required qualifications
& experience I am looking for and speak Serbo - Croat,
so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in
that language.'

and....... Calmly, Waiyaki turns to the other candidate and
says ‘ uri mwega!’
The other candidate answers ' Ngai fafa!! Onawe wi mugikuyu?




AM PROUD TO BE KENYAN!????'

Married or not, must read this Story!!

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

courtesy of: share@muicbook.com